Kids don’t always have the words to tell us what’s going on, and often we have to rely on observing how they act to know that something is going on. 

Here are some possible reasons your child is acting out:

• Medications: some medications can cause children to act differently than they normally do. We often see that our daughter acts a little nuts when she has to take antibiotics. 

• Illness: most people start to feel kind of crummy before you see the physical symptoms of illness (fever, runny nose), and it’s no different for kids. Sometimes whining and acting out are the only way kids can tell us they don’t feel good

• Late nights, changes in schedule, change in routine: some children don’t take to change easily, and the way they communicate their discomfort is by acting out

If you’ve ruled these out and are simply struggling with a toddler who frequently acts out, here are some strategies that you may consider implementing for a more peaceful household.

Strategies to Manage Acting Out

1. Give children opportunities to help them feel capable. Yep, this often creates more work for you. But consider, for example, that you may empower your child to get dressed  in the morning, or ask them to help you set the table. Yep - they will probably do it differently than you want, but they’ll probably feel a strong sense of accomplishment, and that’s priceless.

2. Give children reasonable choices. We often ask our daughter if she would like a smoothie or cheese bread (melted cheddar on wheat bread), either of which I’m happy to make, and she's happy that she can make a decision for herself.

3. Avoid “do you want to” and other yes/no questions. For a large part of the toddler years, we have noticed the answer is always “no.”  Some ways to reframe your request:

   1. It’s time for rest / potty / nap vs Are you ready for bed, do you need to potty?

   2. I’m here if you need help vs Do you need help?

4. Treat children exactly how you expect them to treat others. It never ceases to amaze me how much our daughter is a mirror of her mom and dad. If we treat her kindly, she will model our behavior in her interactions with us and others.

5. Whatever you give the most attention to will grow (positive or negative). It’s simply easier to ask a child to do something than to stop doing something. And when we give attention to the behaviors that we don’t want, we end up encouraging them. Here’s a simple strategy: Instead of asking to stop touching the glass (high touch area at the zoo!), we ask for hands on belly, hands behind back. 

6. Focus on strengths and what they’re doing right. As an adult, I do more of what is praised, and it’s no different for children. Of course we have to correct behaviors, but how nice would it be for a child to hear about all the things they are doing right?

   
   For further reading, we recommend Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids by Hart and Kindle Hudson.

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